In 2014 I went to a therapy session for the first time in my life. I was quickly annoyed by anything. In therapy, I would sit in an armchair to breathe and calm my mind. Very few people knew that I was going to the psychologist, so I completed my treatment without talking much about it, and I went on with my life.
In 2018, four years later, I had to go back. This time because I was feeling so anxious, and my thoughts were tormenting me. On that occasion, I went to see a different therapist. After some tests, I was diagnosed with anxiety and mild depression. I started another treatment where I had to do tasks, pleasant activities, breathing exercises, journaling; I also learned to identify my thoughts and the emotions that they generated in me, among other things. This process took about eight months, and I even got a graduation diploma at my last appointment.
Everything was fine, I felt comfortable with myself and with the people around me, but at the end of 2019, some things happened to me that triggered a retrogression. The beginning of 2020 was not easy for anyone. In my case, I was taking too many classes, I was exhausted, and I began to suffer from insomnia. My mood was on the ground, and I just wanted to be lying down. No activity made me happy. I knew that wasn't right, but I was waiting to get better spontaneously. That didn’t happen. One day I went out with my boyfriend on a dinner and a movie date, and while we were at the restaurant, I started crying for no reason. Just because. I was feeling horrible and wanted a truck to run over me. I had thoughts of death, and I didn't like it. The next day, I wrote to my psychologist, telling her what happened to me and asking for an emergency appointment.
A few days later, I went to her office. I told her how I had felt during those weeks. When I told her I had ideas of death, she referred me to a psychiatrist. Those words froze me. I always knew that as long as she didn't send me to the psychiatrist, everything had a solution, but those were big words. She tried to calm me down by saying, "It's just a preventive measure because of the ideas of death..." And I was like, "oh, ok; it’s just a preventive measure." But it turned out that I went to the psychiatrist and had to start treatment with pills. Let me make this clear: psychologists do not have the power to prescribe medication, but psychiatrists do. When a situation requires medication, it means that it is not only solved with practices and therapy; it implies higher expenses because there is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it is necessary to medicate.
For my doctor, it was very important that, in addition to the medication, I continued my therapy with the psychologist, and that someone close to me knew what I was going through. At that time, I only got to tell my boyfriend, my best friend, and my mother. If going to the psychologist is a whole process in which people see you as if you were a ‘freak’, imagine if you openly say that you are taking pills to get some sleep and to do everyday things. Because yes, I had depression. I was in the death ideation phase. In other words, I had suicidal thoughts. Although I had no intention of carrying them out, it is an orange alert that something is not right.
The first few months were difficult, but when I managed to sleep better, I managed to feel better. Also, with the start of the quarantine, all the activities that I did that stressed me, stopped.
I went to my parents' house to spend my university vacations, and being with my mother, away from everything and with time to watch series, Korean dramas, and to read, helped me a lot. I even started doing yoga at home, since my anxiety requires that I exercise regularly. Physical activity allows me to be focused on what is happening at the moment, to calm my head and my thoughts down. In addition, I adopted a pet and having to take care of Lucy, my dog, positively intervened in my situation.
Now I’m fine, and I’m able to tell my experience with no shame. My treatment lasted approximately six months to take effect and three more months for prevention. The pills managed to calm me down, but doing therapy while continuing my medication, is what brought me back to life.
Photo: Madewell
We’re about to get bombarded with holiday shopping, so this is a good time to address the elephant in the room: Many small businesses might not make it through the pandemic. Yeah, you gotta be patient with shipping, which is why you can start early. We’re keeping our eyes on Lolly Lolly Ceramics (currently sold out) and Hanana Beauty, to name a few.
The Mixta Team
Therapy is always my number one suggestion when friends ask me how to start taking better care of their mental health. Unfortunately, it can be costly and not so accessible for everyone, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t uncomplicated actions you can do to start your mental health journey. You can start by looking after your body: Be mindful of what you eat, improve your sleeping habits, and exercise (This one I am working on myself). And I’ll also let you in on my (not so) little secret: Podcasts! For mental health, I wholeheartedly recommend The Happiness Lab and Savvy Psychologist. They both share practical takeaways based on scientific research in a short and easy to understand format. Let me know if you like them!
