This past couple of months have been intense, nerve-racking, and... weird. Since we (here in the DR) are going through the infamous toque de queda, I’ve experienced less FOMO, spent time with family, and learned a thing or two about myself, like the fact that I, under the right conditions —a.k.a good background music—, actually like doing the dishes. The curfew has also left me with a lot of time to take a hard look at myself, to think and analyze past behaviors, and I came to the realization that I am a serial self-saboteur.
Self-Sabotage: "Behaviours or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do."
To be completely honest, this is not the first time I’ve heard this term, but during this couple of months self-sabotaging has been creeping up on me and, as of right now, it’s getting the best of me. It feels like having two opposite sides to my personality. Side A has goals and plans, signs up for online classes, is interested in learning new skills like knitting or video editing, and exercises regularly. Side B decides to nap for hours in the middle of the day, isn’t fazed by deadlines, and has all colors of knitting thread but never finds the time to do it. Basically, Side A goes diligently to the supermarket to buy veggies and Side B just lets them rot. Battling between these two sides of my personality has also led me to ask questions like, which side is the real me, the one capable of achieving all my ideas or the one that’s too lazy to do them?
For most of my life, I’ve been a procrastinator, starting assignments the day before the deadline, and waiting for the last minute to pack a bag felt normal to me. Nowadays, I’m more of a mix between procrastinating and overplanning, instead of not doing a project because “I don’t have the time”, I feel the need to prepare every step of it, make the perfect mood board, do endless research, obsess over little details and then still find excuses to not start at all. Both behaviors are related to the same fear: what if I try my hardest and it's still not good enough? Procrastination and over-planning are both forms of self-sabotage.
Lately, I feel like I’m in a Mario Kart game and I’m throwing the banana peel at myself, preventing myself from reaching the finish line over and over again, and the worst part is not having anyone else to blame but me.
We can get in our own way without being aware of it. Being afraid of failure, lack of confidence in ourselves, wanting to be in control all the time, or even being afraid of greatness are symptoms of self-sabotage. Do you identify with some of these behaviors? How are you trying to overcome it?
We bumped into this interview with artist Anoushka Mirchandani, only to learn she had recently spent time in the Dominican Republic working with Global Coalition in building a 14’ tall sculpture of Atabey, the Taino Mother Goddess. Yes, this is the same one a group of evangelical Christians and the mayor of Sosúa labeled as satanic and threatened to boycott. So, there is THAT.
Once completed, the sculpture will be deployed into the ocean to serve as a coral restoration site. You can read the full interview here.
The Mixta Team
When Onyx sent us One Pill A Day, I felt something deep inside me move. This Saturday, October 10th is World Mental Health Day. During a time where so many are struggling, it’s important to remind you that Mixta is and will always be a safe space to talk about mental health. The Dominican community has a long way to go in normalizing talking about it, but we’re on our way. Oh, just in case it helps: Therapy is fucking awesome!
